April 10 - Today I write with a bit of a heavy heart. I woke up from a livid dream that had me questioning reality for a while. The dream disturbed me because I was broken morally within my dream. Then I got out of bed all groggy and when I got out of my bedroom, my brother was sitting in the living room.
"The 6 year old girl who lives two floors above us died. She vomited and in the process, she collapsed and did not rise after that. She died today morning".
My brother is blessed with bad timing. His words were disturbing to me, essentially as a death happened two floors above my house. The deceased was a child. What was even more disturbing to me is that I could not really care enough. I didn't know the child.
When I express the above fact, I get angry glances and pained expressions. I do not apologize. Proximity does not mean I should feel bad. Millions die...many through much worse methods. Some die alone in a gutter, some starve, some are raped, some through hazardous work conditions. Millions die.
I felt bad that a child had to die. And the emptiness of the world in front me seemed to be symbolic of the sadness I felt. Unfortunately, we still believe in a closed box. I mourn for the parents. I wonder how they'll sleep tonight. Life is so very fragile, like a spider's web. But the embers of a fading light have a beauty all its own. I still refuse to believe that this is all there is to life.
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