Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Axel and the Art of Zen


I recently entered a whole new phase in my life. I got myself a 40 day old German Shepherd pup!!! At this point, I would like to introduce you to Axel, my pup.


The decision to get a pup was triggered by factors unknown as of yet. All I know is that on 11th May, 2009, I knew I wanted a dog in the house. I was scouting around for golden retrievers before this day, but on 11th May, me and my brother Anoop did a comparison of both GSDs and Golden Retrievers and we unanimously decided on the majestic GSD.


                                         

This is one dog you do not want to mess with. As a pup, they are unbelievably cute (almost painfully so, but that I'll describe later), and once they've grown a bit they are, for want of a better word, simply majestic. Anyone could have told you that my excitement at the prospect of getting a dog was uncontrollable. I was scheduled to pick him up on Saturday, and I just couldn't wait for the damn weekend. I don't know if I've ever looked forward to the weekend as much as I did that week. The days dragged on mercilessly and I was supported admirably by Apes and Srikanth. I did tons of research on puppy care and somehow managed to hold on until Saturday.



On 16th May, 2009 (Saturday) at 11.00 am Appu, Apes, Srikanth and me ended up in Kamanahalli with Mani (Mani was the agent for the breeder). First off, he took us to see Axel's Dad, Xambo. We saw Xambo and all four of us froze in our tracks!!! He was massive!!! The breeder had brought him up pretty well, as he was quite accepting of strangers, well-behaved and regal as hell. Did I mention how big he was?

Satisfied with the dad, I told Mani to take us to the pups. This involved a 40 minute ride to some farmhouse beyond Kamanahalli (primarily because Mani rides his scooter at 40 Kmph max). When we reached the farmhouse, I took a moment to take in the area. This is what I imagined as a good environment for a puppy. Clean air, wide open spaces, trees all around...all in all, perfect.



Now as we were entering the enclosure in which the puppies were kept, I remember discussing with the others about how we'll see this litter and then go check out two other litters and blah, blah.



I stepped into the enclosure, I saw Axel and I fell in love. Simple as that...there was nothing more to say or see. He was this fat, fluffy, playful, gorgeous thing. Slightly worried about all the strangers in the room, but not scared. He was easily the pick of the litter...much bigger than the other puppies. I just stood there for 15 minutes watching him play. He was confident and dominant but not aggressive. Then he was reunited with his mommy for a brief feeding session. At this point, I was a bit sad about taking the baby away from its mommy. But he didn't flinch while I was taking him back to the car. I felt that perhaps he was a bit sad about leaving, as he kept looking towards the enclosure.



The next two days went by in a daze. I suddenly had a baby on my hands. I took him to the vet, where the vet told me that he's a huge puppy. We think he'll grow up to be HUGE. He weighed in at 3.6 Kgs for a 40 day old pup. Then came the acclimatization phase.



This phase gave me some of the happiest days of my life. Axel is incredibly cute. As a result, he gets away with almost anything. He loves to chew fingers, feet and clothes (in that order). This is one unstoppable ball of fur and energy. Having said that, I do realize how important it is for Axel to learn that a human being is not a chew-toy. Axel seems to disagree for now, so I'll write more about this later. Other than that, Axel is very brave for his age. I took him around the town in my car and he loved that. He didn't even flinch at the lightning-thunder combo that was doing the rounds. 



I'm taking him on daily walks where all the people who see Axel beg to pet him, and he's such a sweetheart with everyone. Of course, sometimes he looks at me and starts to yelp softly, at which point I need to extricate him from the army of hands that want to pet him. He's such a good pup...I'm finding it difficult to explain how much I love the little guy. I believe that he's bonding quite well with me. Just the other day, Axel was playing with my dad. When I turned tose  leave, I banged my foot on the cupboard and it hurt like hell. I cried out a little bit and started hopping about on my other foot. Axel stopped playing and came running to me and gave me a lick. Needless to say, I melted like an ice-cream cone in hell.

I would wholeheartedly recommend a puppy being part of your life. The joy of coming home to someone who looks forward to seeing you as much as a dog does is indescribable. The simple moments spent together playing with him bring sunch peace and contentment to me. I could spend a whole day at home just watching Axel, and I would consider the day well spent. There is of course the mixed feeling of fear/concern/pride/jealousy/joy whenever he does anything. But Axel has made my life so much richer. 



Apeksha told me once that every puppy has one master. I completely agree with her, for I doubt I could be this happy with any other puppy. I would however edit her statement to read, every person has one dog. For Axel is my friend, and his love is unconditional. I'm not his master, and he's certainly so much more than just a dog to me.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Avalon




Petals in the hurricane, tender skin still bruised,
The breeze will whisper again of the azure blue,
Mud cannot stain the air, the innocence is might,
Shrinks away like the golden sun before the dark night,
Vindictive echoes still linger here, like emptiness in a cave,
Hearts are open doors, but here the angels cannot save,
What brings the light, in its wake brings the sorrow,
And the quietude of the darkness swallows,
Lonely paths do these broken feet take,
Like the song the mockingbird fakes,
The earth spreads forever like a bed of roses,
Wayward the soul, by unseen forces,
Long to be touched and beheld a while,
Need to forsake the truth and smile,
The waves seem to speak of those frozen times,
When you were broken for someone's crimes,
And though this rift will seem untrue,
Broken though you are, but I will fix you...

Everytime we move

We as a species hold on to our narrow mind-set. The mind creates the illusion of order, so that we may not lose our sanity in the infinite vastness of it all. Somehow, this prevents our movement forwards...and for each step we take, we fall back by two.





Garden





Hear the silence of a golden bell,
Witness the colors that the blinded sell,
Taste the food of the empty air,
Watch the fall of the silent tear,
Abysmal sights for the fantastic mind,
Striving to move but still left behind,
A moment in time ripples across,
To the tune of a single grain tossed,
Infinitely do the waters glimmer,
As the future unfolds we feel the shiver,
The promise was a lie, and the lie a promise,
The gift of thought sanctified by death's kiss,
Inflicted the shadow upon the land we stand on,
Suffocated in the holds of the monstrous python,
The image of the ideal we hoped to achieve,
Now blurs and fades as we try to breathe,
And grip wildly on to the transient dreams,
Solicitous fate, now smoke it seems,
And at the edge of vision, share my sight,
Hold the body of Man, while the truth takes flight,
Fortune following the eternal question,
Was this progress, or my regression?
And blind, deaf and dumb we wander,
Back to the roots of the earthly mother...

The Black and White of things

Whenever I have faced a challenge, win or lose, I come out better. The sight of morning reminds us how important the night was, and the night makes us yearn for the light of day. Everything that tries to break us is an opportunity for us to rise above the ordinary. Pain and loss, reminds us about how precious some things were, and defeat makes us fight for victory.


Rebirth



When you can, walk away,
Drop the knife and forget the blade,
Maybe learn to fly today,
And let the memories slowly fade,
Forget the pain that proliferates,
Stop looking at the skies for signs again,
Forget the dark that obliterates,
And dare to dream of brighter days,
See your light and its infinite rays,
Don't stop to think of what you lose,
If you stand and begin to move,
And the hand that breaks your stride,
now blossoms into your pride,
For though we lose our strength to strive,
We push on through the eternal night,
And every single drop of hate,
Now withers away in front of fate,
And then you spread your angelic wings,
And rise to the skies on vermillion winds,
If not for my enemy, then what am I?
If not for sorrow, what's a smile?

Darker Nights I have known

In my everyday life, I see so many who believe that meaning can be derived out of their work, out of the money they earn, out of the respect they garner, out of the cars they own and so on. On a bad day, the calamity seems unbearable to them. Somehow, only those a footstep away from death can truly appreciate what it means to be alive. I strive to gain the same prespective. I try to live each second. I try to do more than I can, for I'll never get this chance again. In this moment, I will ask those who knew him to remember M.K. Sunil (good friend and class-mate), who went before his time. Bro, you opened my eyes...
Darker Nights I have known



Death, be my lover tonight,
Carry my form, and hold me tight,
Feed on my dreams, and kill my hopes,
Blanket me in your blissful, heathen coat,
Extricate my emotions and keep me numb,
Till my body crumbles and my soul slumps,
And from the ash of my birth, I return,
A child of passion , now reason is burnt...
Emptiness, be my lover tonight,
Remove me, the unforeseen blight,
And return me to your velvet womb,
As my bones remain in my earthern tomb,
Elevate my forsaken, hollow soul,
To regions of the nether, where the damned fall,
And caress me in your serpentine hold,
I am now dust, where once I was gold...

Apocalyse

War is the gift of ignorance. I cannot understand the minds that bend the will of man to war. The consequent death will mar, in my eyes, all victory and leave the soldiers as broken hollow shells. My ode to war...





Apocalyse




See me twisted, through the carnal glass,
This flesh is a shadow, of my spiritual cast,
Words do I rip, and souls I swallow,
Gaze into my eyes, for my heart is hollow,
Weapons birth me, the whore son of fate,
Families split apart, as I satiate,
the hunger of my hate, as I plunder,
Hark, hear the bodies torn asunder,
In dreams I live on, though I slumber now,
Raking the years, like the devil's plow,
Respect, though black, in my heart is bred,
Come son, lay your brother in bed,
For now his dreams are eternal, disturbed,
In nightmares he lives, forever numb,
Apocalypse,hear me now,
Before you arrive, listen for my shout,
The death knell of all that is Sacred,
and Man watches as his heart is bled...

In a world of words, a picture is abhorrent...

I do one thing well, or so I belive. I write poems. It started off as just another way to occupy my time, but it turned into something which I believe in ardently. Words, and the power they contain. The effect words have had on my life is amazing to me.

As a kid, I remember getting punished every day as I did not possess the ability to be silent. I was always outspoken, and always loud. I found a lot of solace in words, venturing into writing at an early age. I can still remember how I got into the "cool kid" group...it involved being able to speak the bard!!! It used to be something of an oddity then, as most of us were sports jocks. People expected the normal jock behaviour. But I ventured into the intellectually challenging world of plays. dramas, books and so on. It was something I loved doing, and I still enjoy it to this day.

When we are dust, and the last memory of who we were fades from the human psyche, the most enduring bits will be the words you spoke and the lines you wrote. In this I believe whole-heartedly. With the above said, I present my library of poems.



Risen


Consummated, in the fires of loss,
Faceless, destined to roam as a ghost,
What was held in a moment of pretending,
Now rises up, to watch the sun descending,
Pain and grief remain in her eyes like liquid frost,
She hurts herself, to cope with the hated force,
Of a life promised, and snatched away,
In singlets of sorrow, it starts to fade,
And then he opens her eyes to see,
Things that are and could've been,
Unforseen, like wolves in snow,
The seed of tomorrow begins to grow,
And the leaves spread out to touch the velvet sun,
Rejoice,rejoice, the change has begun,
Promises kept and lost are forgotten,
Monsters seem her child, ill-begotten,
For tomorrow is indeed another day,
Mistakes of her past don't surface today,
Now shunned, now loved, now risen,
The rose blossoms in her vision...