Today I saw the death of the constant. I saw the world turn, I sensed destiny spin and I felt the ground shift. I learned today that the foundation of your life can in fact become unstable. I saw love take a back-seat to the most unnecessary things.

I refuse to be a part of this. As a man, I'm beholden to my words. They are immutable and unchangeable. There is no honor in a system which allows me to back-track. But here I realize a large part of the mistake is mine. I have made my family believe that I'm a child. If I want to be taken seriously as a man, I have to start behaving as one. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to make some of the most difficult decisions of my life. Unfortunately, this means leaving behind some of the most important parts of my old life.

But I'm glad she came into my life. I feel a sense of elation which I never believed I would. I feel free and unchained. There is nothing beautiful about the Indian. It is a world of unasked for complexities and unwanted necessities. I'm leaving it all behind, as a part of the past I'm neither happy about or proud of. 

I'm a constant disappointment. I've tried hard not to be, but my best just wasn't good enough. Therefore I shall remove myself from the game. I shall no longer be disappointing because I shall no longer participate. I'm going to play a new game now. A game where I am what I am, and nothing more. The people in my life will the people who can accept this. 

In the midst of all this turmoil, I shall reject God. Absentee motherfucker. All through my life, I have weathered my storms myself. The one time I ask for a lifeline, and he's not there. I begged for his help and his guidance. Now I know what I should have known a long time ago. Amar Chitra Katha was just that. A good story to entertain the mindless mass that is the general public.

I reject the god that rejects me. I reject the family that doesn't see my feelings. I reject the culture that enslaves me.