Relationships are a farce...

I've had a lot of time to myself recently due to various reasons. During this otherwise uneventful period of clubbing, partying, meeting new people etc. something wonderful reared its head. I saw this movie recently by the name of "Into the wild". There has never been a movie that I believed in as much as this one.

Through life we see a lot of relationships - friends, family, enemies, contacts and so on. There is one underlying fact about most of these relationships.

We...always...compromise

Every sentient being enters into a relationship because there is a gain. The good relationships are the type where the gain is mutual and the bad being the one where the rewards are reaped by one and the burdens are sown into the life of the other. The thing that has always irked me is that the world doesn't work according to my time-table. When I want to stay home, people call up for a do. When I want to go out, people have got other things. When I don't want to work, customers send over a billion documents. When I want to work, there is nothing to do. There are soooo many more instances, but I think you get the picture. I know the thought is selfish, but somehow I don't really care about what anyone thinks. I have come to a realization that life seems to be like a really bad movie at times. There are the great days in between, but in general life is about doing things you really don't want to.

Why should I do anything except that which I want to? This is a question that irritates me to no end, because I know the answer. No man is an island. We need interaction. Or do we? I believe that this thought process is the result of generations of conditioning. Everyone tells us, directly or indirectly, that we need to be accepted, we need to be loved, we need to be cool or any one of a billion things that we "need" to be. I can understand that among animals, this might hold true for there is a genetic programming that tells them about safety in numbers and a chance at breeding. But I thought humans believed we were more than animals. If that holds true, then we are divine by ourselves. We do not "need" each other.

There are a billion ties that hold you down. There are tons of "must-do" things that vex and burden you. There are so many opportunities for people to hurt you or make you feel bad about something. Then of course, there is the inevitable loneliness of when someone abandon's your corner.

Why do we "need" to have relationships? I cannot think of a single reason so abject and so without any downside to support it. Time makes you think, and when you think you grow. Many a time you grow out of the current container you possess. Will everyone understand your growth? Will anyone support it?

The deception of man

In every moment of our waking lives, we seek something beautiful. Beautiful cannot be described in the extremely limited perceptions of a single person, but needs to be seen from the eyes of a flock. Anything could be beautiful - art, music, sport, competition and even war. It depends purely on the perspective of the seeker. The real question which is the basis of this discussion is, why do we seek to compare?

Is it intrinsically wired into us to strive to find something in comparison to which our life is gray? Do we always need the yardstick to self-deprecate? There are a few people, and very few at that, who have found everything beautiful within themselves. The rest of us are stuck in a rut where our every attempt to appreciate ourselves end in a quest for validation; and the world does not validate, or even attempt to tip the scales in our favor.

But does that make the search futile, or does it make the object of scrutiny frivolous? Something comparable is not unique, and what is not unique is not yourself. No piece of clothing is unique, no car you drive is unique, no house you build is unique - all of these can be replicated. But how you react to a situation is probably unique. The data you processes, the choices that you realize, the motivators that drive you and the actions that you perform are truly unique. The same cannot be replicated. The situation need not be life-threatening, but might be something as simple as looking at the sun-rise. What you see in that moment and what it means or how it affects you is unique. How do we compare that which is unknown even to us?

The answer is in the question - we don't. We don't compare because we are not fully aware. When we are aware, we attempt to dissect it and rationalize. As part of the rationalization we, unknowingly, bias our judgement. The world is very different when you look through the eyes of a deserted action figure lying on the side of the road, watching the approach of a truck that will forever alter it's visage. But across the road from the perspective of a bird chirping away towards a heedless sun, the world is rich and full. Neither of them got it right.

The world is what it is, and it doesn't care how you perceive it. The world is cold to opinion. Beautiful things are a way of the world to compensate for the life you wish you had. There is nothing missing in your life but self-realization. When you know what you want, you will get it. Try it, it works. You don't need any "Who moved my cheese?" or "7 Habits of highly successful people" kind of books to tell you what you need to do. You also don't need "The Alchemist" or "The monk who sold his Ferrari" kind of books to teach you deeper thought or morality. You don't even need to read this blog to know this.

There are no shortcuts, except the kind which gives you 5 years of joy and 50 years of pain. But the joy is in the journey. If you inherited 500 million dollars and you bought a Ferrari, and another person starved for 4 years but his business finally takes off and then he buys a Toyota, which car would give its owner more pleasure? But here I digress, for the topic is still the subject of comparison.

In the end, we are what we are. Comparison is the devil, for it promises us a different path. But unknown to you, you are already treading a path with no ancillary roads. There is no junction that allows you to cross onto that other path. We have to see the road we walk on, lest the monster that awaits ahead swallow us while we are lost in a silent soliloquy about the virtues of everyone else's life.

Don't know the title, but random words do make a blog...

Ever get the feeling that something big is around the corner? Like ants crawling around the bend towards a pot of honey built within an empty city? Then again, there is nothing wrong with being part of a herd. The herd is protection - protection from consequence, protection from choice, protection from change. But sometimes, there's nothing wrong with change. At the start of each day, if we choose to remember what is lost, then everything we see today becomes tainted by the drive to preserve. If we are free of inhibition, then the world is crystal clear.

There is something weird in the hollow march of tin soldiers. Further compounded by the rattle of rain on the rooftops of a shallow world. From the din of organization to the sin of information, we are doomed to follow the tracks of a mythical creature towards a goal that does not exist.

The moment of clarity is the sound of the sliver of glass cutting through a mist of human emotion. There is no right or wrong - only the judgement of myopic moments. And myopic indeed are our judgement, for who has seen beyond the next frame? But in the moment, can we make a tough call and still be without regret? For everyone who tells me they feel no regret, I see liars who choose to remain stoic or else I see cowards who've never taken a tough call. We make tough calls when we judge something valuable against something valuable. Either way, you lose. When you lose something valuable, you begrudge yourself the loss. You regret it.

No one is an island. But sometimes, we are the temple of our echoes. Vast empty spaces, where the resonance of our ideal is our sole attempt at existence. On this path, the echoes travel far and wide, but in the end the echo dies out. Nothing would remain of the echo, not even the memory. Did it in fact trigger a new sound? Did it spawn a new thought? The echo is all it is...all it will ever be.

Random words can be something better than the construct-driven will of the writer.

The effervescence of time...

There was a line in the movie 'Troy' which I felt was excellent. The line goes - "The Gods envy us(mortals) because we are doomed". It was beautiful in how true it is. Personally, I do not know if the Gods do envy us mortals, but I do believe the paucity of time makes the most mundane activity special.

We hear a lot about how man cries out for one more day when death comes to claim him. But what would you do if you were granted that one more day? What would be so special about the one extra day? The only thing that would change is your perception of the world. The closer we come to the end, the more we appreciate that which we took for granted earlier. Nothing really changes, except our knowledge of time ticking away. But what if you were frozen in time. Would anything be beautiful? Would anything be worthy? Unfortunately for us humans, we never know the value of something, unless the possibility of loss looms overhead.

Does this mean that the item of endearment is empty in of itself, but the circumstance of loss makes it desirable?

Time is a fantastic thief. He steals both before his arrival and during it as well. I know of so many people who, in the grip of fear of some terminal event, neglect to see what is present and lose out on the item during the end-state as well. Time, in my mind, is a way for us to appreciate that which we wouldn't have if eternity unfurled in front of us. Time must be a creation of perception, for time is nothing but the flow between two events. One might argue about causality, but cause and effect do not always hold true.

Time is a construct for us to maintain sanity. Alternatively, time might be holding us back from some greater truth. Consider if you could move back and forth between events. There is no time, only movie frames which are slightly different. I believe you could affect your reality. I believe you could shape your future. I believe you can decide your past.

But is this so different from the way things are now? We judge ourselves to be successful or failures. We deem our childhood good or bad. We say that the future holds great promise. Is that not time travel? If you are confused, what I mean to say is that our perception defines our life. If we deem ourselves to be failures, then so we are. If we decide to make something of our lives, our futures get brighter.

Where is time in the equation? If you lived for 70 years, why beg for one more day? What would you achieve in that one more day that you haven't already done? Life is about mistakes and the joy of discovery.

Life isn't measured by how many days you live, rather it's a collage of moments that defined you.

Silence is the state of being

A strange thing about people, myself included - we need to be in a state of perpetual motion for us to validate the self-deluded destiny we believe is ours. We need to have a job with defined goals. We need people in our lives to be a witness to our doings. We need friends to complement our character. But in the end, when you come back home, you are alone.

By alone, I do not mean physically. You might be married or single. You might be staying with friends or family. The concept of alone is the reality of your existence. The way you perceive your individuality. By definition, you are an individual because you are unique. There is only one "you". And as a singularity, you will always be alone. No one knows you better than yourself. No one hates or loves you as much as yourself. In this impassable void of differences, are you comfortable? Is your sense of being so complete that in the silence of oblivion you find peace?

When I'm alone, I find I retrospect. My mind races through the images and sounds I saw that day. I challenge my choices and find my failings. But this is not a conscious process. This self-actualization happens in a moment of silence. With or without my express permission.

But I wonder, as a species of animal, is this need for self-validation an inherent instinct or is it the effect of continual conditioning by the viral waves of society? Is the need for purpose an unnatural evolution of the mind or is it a natural by-product of a thinking conscious? Do we need to make choices to be alive, or is it the facilitator of the illusion that we are more than stardust in an infinite universe?

When I think about the scale of things, I wonder what I affect by my actions. Does the rules of chaos theory extend to the outermost fringes of space and consciousness? Does the beating of the butterfly's wings create the apocryphal hurricane at the polar opposite?

Recently, I've found a great sense of bliss in being alone. I am by nature an extrovert, but there is a profound serenity in looking inwards. The questions posed by the external world are trivial compared to the unlocked gates of deeper reasoning. My recent circumstances are not by design, but due to most of my friends travelling for extended periods. However, this time has shown me something that I always suspected.

There are worlds inside you, but these are located in a universe of silence. When the individual part of you is fine with loss of identity, only then can these worlds be traversed. For in the universe of silence, sound is an abhorrent thing. The ego is a cancer, and the individual is unnatural. This world slips into the chimera that is the world we see and breathe. Yet, in the hustle and bustle for the next raise, the next promotion, we hardly find time to save ourselves from becoming a machinist of life.

The inadequacy of the human condition

Recently, a friend of mine gave up on something he was determined to succeed in. It was irritating to me since I was a witness to the triumph of the circumstance over the individual. Even more irritating was the fact that he was so close to victory, but he needed to hold on; he needed to persevere.

I am at a complete loss when I am faced with the prospect of defeat; and because of this weakness, I consciously try to not recognize the consequences of my decisions. I believe in taking life as it comes, one day at a time. But today is an opportunity that will never present itself again. So why let go of a free gift? A day is only 24 hours long. We can skip days in heartbeats if we choose to not notice how each day crawls on by. I do not understand the reason for surrender - its just not beneficial whichever way you look at it. Failure is acceptable, but when we give up we have lost all the days, the present included, where we have striven for something.

But maybe it's something intrinsic. As an animal, we are hardwired to avoid situations where we will be at a loss. This is the single seed of the of human intelligence. The progenitor of need and the father of desire. In anticipation of an empty future, the fruits of the present would seem bitter and sour. But the attempt is it's own reward.

The attempt is the reach for glory. The attempt is proof positive that you are a thinking, living human being. Conscious thought, that which separates us from baser animals, is the ability to merge a known situation with intangible items like hope. The belief that the river will suddenly change it's course without a predetermined pointer to such an event. This is what makes an entrepreneur, this is what makes a leader, this is what makes a visionary - the ability to not only see things as they are, but the flexibility to perceive things as they might be.

In life, almost everyone tells you it can't be done. Almost everyone convinces you that things are fine as they are. The circumstances begin to increase the weight on our shoulder, till we become Atlas and balance the world on our backs. The night does seem darkest before the dawn. If we spent our lives listening to what we "should be" or what we "should do", then we become nothing more than a statistic. Another number or name against a birth certificate, matriculation certificate, proof of employment and a death certificate. Is your life defined by your certificates? Are we another entry in a database of irrelevant facts? Are we predestined to be another face in the crowd, another brick in the wall?

As a race, we seem determined to reduce the individual to a member of a herd. The reasons for this might be numerous, but there is a fantastic line I heard in coach Carter, and it goes as below:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone."

The Ding : Ding Aling has his Review